i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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