this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
