He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
