I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
