My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
