Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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