I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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