apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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