The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
