jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
