Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
