A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just had sex on a roof
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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