so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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