I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
