you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
