i don't like sucking hair
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They are going to name an STD after you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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