I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
