Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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