my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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