I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
