she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
