I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
