I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
