fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
