This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
