Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
