Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
