so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
