did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
