So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
