I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
