I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
