That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
