I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
