$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
