i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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