i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
