i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
