it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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