No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
