He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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