proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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