Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
