I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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