First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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