So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
