Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
