ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
