Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
