Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You pole danced in your parka.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
