FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
